TRF Front Page Archive may 2004

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Saturday 12th June 2004 A New Beginning…

Well, what a close season this is turning out to be! Bloody hell, we've seen more action in the last three weeks than in the whole of the last three seasons; sackings, signings, scandals, votes and more votes (but not much Vogts, thankfully), boardroom bust-ups, inter-club and inter-league wrangles… and hardly a football in sight. Depressing or what!

Despite all that, and despite the ongoing and increasingly tedious Thistle v Thistle legal battle, I am now feeling suitably enthusiastic about the season ahead - and it's all down to the dramatic but positive changes that took place at Pittodrie three weeks ago. All of a sudden, at long last and quite out of the red, there seems to be a glimmer of hope for our battered old Aberdeen Football Club.

The change of manager and the way in which it was brought about has surprisingly angered many. However, Steve Paterson, only 18 months after his universally heralded appointment, was clearly struggling to cope with the magnitude of the task he'd taken on and it had become clear to many that he was not going to take us any further. Recognising this, and in a rare act of decisiveness, Stewart Milne did something about it. With the arrival of Willie Miller, Paterson was gone and only four days later Jimmy Calderwood was unveiled as manager. Surprising? Yes. Cruel? Maybe. No matter (and forget the who-gives-a-fuck side issue paper-talk of what assurances Paterson was supposedly given by the chairman), it has still been the most efficient and decisive piece of business Aberdeen have done in years.

Willie Miller? Well, at last we have someone (back) at the club who will set new standards at the very top and will breathe much-needed life and personality through the corridors of Pittodrie. His job is huge; taking control of the entire footballing operation - which, up until now, hasn't had a boss as such - including training facilities (a massive project in itself), the scouting and youth coaching systems, dealing with agents, transfer(target)s, contracts, funding etc etc. If Miller can take all this on board then it should leave the manager to do what he's good at, ie coaching his squad of football players.

Make no mistake, Willie Miller will go through Pittodrie like a dose of salts, and unquestionably his main strength will be his drive and unwavering determination to make the club better. This very quality perhaps got the better of the man 10 years ago and it may have ultimately stifled his ability to succeed in the manager's chair, but in the boardroom it will be a vital asset. Arguably, we've not had that kind of drive since the great Chris Anderson became ill and subsequently died in 1986. The kind of attitude typified by Miller will catch on and, with the equally enthusiastic and forward thinking Jimmy Calderwood and Jimmy Nicholl in charge of the team, then things can only get better. These men have a burning desire to succeed and they possess a healthy intolerance of indiscipline, sloppiness and failure. Of course, many of the old problems will not go away any time soon; we still have a crippling debt to service and have a limited squad to choose from. However, given time (and if there's one thing we Dons supporters have shown loads of in recent years, it's patience) Miller, Calderwood and Nicholl can surely make better use of what we have.

Here's hoping that WM can get his winning mentality through to the supporters too. In recent years a certain Tartan Army atmosphere has developed among us and, whilst this makes for a great singsong, it can also fool people into thinking we will accept any old shite on the pitch. We've become too used to failure. Never again do I want to hear us singing the doomed manager's name in praise while we're 7-0 down at an opposition ground. What the fuck was all that about? What happened to Europe? Cup finals? The challenge? They're not delusional pipedreams borne out of 1980's European triumphs, they're realistic and achievable targets, and fucking Hearts are doing it right now. If that shower of 2nd hand huns can do it, then so can we. Of course, we should always stand our ground firmly and back our team to the hilt, but let us never again lower our standards or lose our pride. Back the team, but always let them know that this is Aberdeen, not Motherwell, Livingston or Dunfermline (snigger). It's time to raise the bar.

So what now? Well, we wanted change and we got it. Now is the time to draw a line under the past, to embrace the challenge ahead and show the opposition that, at long last, we mean business. Let's make this one count.

Jimmy Calderwood and Jimmy Nicholl - welcome to Pittodrie, we're right behind you. Willie Miller - welcome home.

COME ON YOU REDS!

Fray Bentos (feeling patriotic)

9th June 2004 - So Scott Booth thinks Calderwood can only have success at one of the big Dutch clubs? Fox ache! The man hasn't even settled his backside into the chair at Pittodrie and Booth - an alleged Dandies man - is touting him for elsewhere. What is he on? No ulterior motive in stirring it we presume?

Actually, this is no untypical of the back stabbing that is going on amongst the fan base these days. If anybody can find any reason whatsoever to be negative about anything whatsoever down Pittodrie way then they'll snatch it like free tenners from a cash machine. How's about looking for some positive stuff to say loons and quines? We've just seen the most radical shakeup in years down there and new possibilities are opening up, let's see what magic the new management plan to weave and get behind them to help make sure it happens. It's bad enough having to read the tripe sputtering from the broken quill of the likes of Stewart McKimmie or the rent-a-quote chairman of the Association without the rest of the Red Army jumping on the bandwagon.

Roll on the pre-season so we can start to see what pattern might be about to unfold. And here's hoping the SPL manage, for once, to come up with a fixtures list that looks like it has been thought out instead of thrown together by a drunken bush baby on a spree.

2nd June 2004 - Caley Countered - Caley have been voted out of the SPL before they have even joined. There's a new idea for Big Brother, vote the contestants out before they even set foot in the house. Pre-selection from the general population of culturally vacuous twenty and thirtysomethings of this country of ours who spend more time each week watching bozos prance around a studio than reading. Anyway, enough about the sorry state of our broadcast media.

Caley Thistle may be the victims of a geographical plot. Although I have some sympathy with Partick's predicament, they have been relatively prudent over the years on the financial front and have suffered for their lack of quality on the pitch. What's more, they have had their goalposts almost literally shifted from where they were at the beginning of last season. Whether Partick would be in more debt had they spent more time in the SPL in the nineteen nineties is open to question but the situation remains. However, there certainly has not been a team as poor as them in the top flight for a long time. We have not been as bad, even under Skovdahl's first season. Even the St Johnstone team of a few years ago were better to watch than Partick 2003-4.

Caley Thistle by comparison have been one of the most exciting teams to have won the first division in some years. Their free flowing, attacking style of play and robustness over the piece have won many admirers in the North. Aside from crazy SPL rules, what has kept them out of the top division is most likely a cabal of clubs from the south that do not fancy an extra trip to Aberdeen next season. Although Hearts have expressed support for Caley's predicament in the past, it is likely that the 5 clubs that voted to keep ICT out are those that don't want to travel outside the central belt unless they have to. Of course Partick voted against the proposal, and I'll wager the other 4 spoil sports were the old farm, Killmarnock and Motherwell. Partick's chairman has tried to ridicule Caley's move by claiming that they could end up playing in front of 3 figure crowds next season. What absolute pants! Even if a lot of Caley fans don't want to or can't travel to Aberdeen every other week, the attendances will not drop that low. The novelty of playing SPL football would carry them through the first third of the season on pretty decent gates. A few hundred Dandies might even turn up when the Dons are away, knowing that some of the money they spend that day will eventually find its way into the Reds' coffers.

Furthermore, Setanta and Sky deals in the past have never stopped the old farm travelling to Pitters, or anywhere else for that matter, to watch their teams. At these matches, I would imagine a few hundred Dandies to turn up to rail against the glasgow hordes, if not support ICT against them. Add to this the fact that ICT's 'home' fixtures against the Dons would attract more than 999 fans and I think that the chances of a 3 figure crowd at Pitters next season would be pretty low. Partick's chairman is hardly one to cite low crowds as a potential problem. His side have some of the most fairweather fans in the country. Everyone one speaks to in Glasgow who is legible, litterate and grammatically correct in much of their speech, (Few and far between I know, but it is a large place) claims to support Partick, and of course when they were promoted two years ago there were big crowds, but where have they all gone? They're in front of their tvs watching celtic or are queuing at parkheid for a brief of a saturday morning. Of course ICT sharing Pitters would have its benefits for the Dons. Firstly, it would mean two, possibly three fewer trips to glasgow, secodly, extra gate receipts for bigger crowds against ICT, and finally, extra money from catering and merchandising due to the extra fixtures played at Pittodrie. ICT's chairman says he will appeal the decision but given that he admits that he hasn't a clue about the grounds on which he will appeal, it doesn't look good.

Captain Sweaty.

2nd June 2004 - Five of the 12 SPL clubs failed to back Inverness Caledonian Thistle's application to join the top flight, despite it meeting every criterion and being described by both Keith Wyness and Chris Robinson as "perfectly competent to be passed". Sadly, the vote was a secret ballot, so we might never know the identity of the cowards who took this unjust decision. We might never know for sure. But we can speculate…

ABERDEEN: The Dons were the club which stood to gain most out of ICT's application, other than Caley themselves, in the shape of £650,000 rent. In any case, the Dons have consistently argued for promotion to be automatic where the requirements are met, last season as well as this. The fabled tale of 2000 has been trotted out to show Aberdeen up as hypocritical but listen up: EVERY TEAM IN THE SPL IN 1999/2000 KNEW FROM DAY ONE THAT THEY WOULD NOT BE AUTOMATICALLY RELEGATED IF THEY FINISHED BOTTOM; THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A PLAY-OFF BETWEEN ABERDEEN, DUNFERMLINE AND FALKIRK FOR NOT ONE BUT TWO PLACES IN THE SPL AND GIVEN THAT THE DONS HAD BEATEN FALKIRK WHEN WE WERE COMPLETELY SHIT EARLY IN THE SEASON BUT HAD SINCE GONE ON TO REACH BOTH CUP FINALS WE WOULD HAVE BEEN STRONG FAVOURITES. BROCKVILLE WAS SUCH A TIP THAT NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS WOULD HAVE CERTIFIED IT FIT FOR SPL FOOTBALL, FALKIRK DID NOT APPLY TO SHARE A GROUND ELSEWHERE, AND EVEN NOW, FOUR YEARS ON, FALKIRK STILL DO NOT HAVE A COMPLIANT STADIUM. In short, pish. VERDICT - Not guilty, and not guilty in 2000 either you revisionist philistines.

CELTIC: Whether the SPL contains Partick Thistle or Inverness Caledonian Thistle makes virtually no appreciable difference to the tattie-munchers. Neither Thistle would have finished ahead of Ireland's finest in the 2004/05 table, and neither would make a significant contribution to their year-end income statement. There's always the chance that Caley would have horsed them AGAIN, I suppose. But given that stadium problems of their own forced the hordes to drag their tricolors to a temporary home of Hampden Park, owned by Queen's Park FC, in 1994/95 without any murmur of sanctions, it would be an absolute outrage bordering on the criminal for the navvies to blackball the exact same scenario for another club. Since when have they cared, though? Seeing the chance to ensure the everlasting support of Partick Thistle so soon after the massed power of the "Gang of Ten" forced them into a few small concessions, they swooped. It is no wonder everybody else in Scotland hates them. You can rewrite history all you like you paranoid whingers, but this was a disgustingly self-interested piece of chicanery that proves you have no concern for the future health of the game in Scotland. VERDICT - Guilty.

DUNDEE: Of all the clubs that ought to have kept their heads down throughout this debate, Dundee's should have been at ostrich-threatening levels. Having been in administration since November, they just managed to avoid the SPL's 10-point penalty by the width of Giovanni di Stefano's social conscience; they still do not have undersoil heating (despite this being a red-line SPL requirement); and they themselves lodged a groundshare proposal with the League while the future of Dens remained uncertain. If truth be told clubs in administration should forfeit the right to vote on issues like this if not their membership of the SPL itself. It would take more cheek than a Tiny Thong Competition for Dundee to feel vindicated in voting Inverness out. VERDICT - Surely not…

DUNDEE UNITED: James Grady (Partick) signing for Dundee United less than 24 hours after the infamous vote seems much too much for mere coincidence. United wouldn't appear to have any particular vested interest in Inverness or Partick so the team which could offer the almost-bankrupt Terrors the best bribe was always likely to get the nod of approval from Eddie 'Monty Burns' Thompson. First dibs on the SPL's leading Scottish goalscorer? Job done. VERDICT - Guilty.

DUNFERMLINE: Ah, the Pars. Something of an enigma - the SPL's loose cannon, if you will. Unlike Killie, Livingston and the two Edinburgh clubs, no obvious affiliation to one or other member of the old farm; a relative newcomer to the very top table of Scottish football after the best part of 30 years away; yet among the chief agitators during the SPL Civil War of 2002. John Yorkston was keen on fairness for the wee clubs back then. But on the other hand, allowing ICT into the SPL would be to sign a large cheque over to his current nemesis, manager-snatching Aberdeen. Enough to make Dunfermline want to stick the knife in? Hmm… VERDICT - Not proven.

HEARTS: Scottish football's most infamous potential groundsharers, though the way Scottish egg-chasing is going there's probably a fair chance they'll give up pretty soon and the Jambos will have Murrayfield all to themselves. With Tynecastle on Stewart Milne's shopping list they stand to gain from groundsharing being permitted in the SPL and have already indicated that they back ICT's appeal. VERDICT - Not guilty.

HIBERNIAN: Hibs don't have any ulterior motive one way or the other in this so are one of the few clubs that felt able to vote completely with their consciences. Back in 1998, the Hi-Bees magnanimously accepted relegation despite the winners of Division 1, Dundee, not meeting the newly-formed SPL's stadium criteria, and this week re-affirmed that they reckon promotion and relegation should be decided on the pitch, not in the boardroom. Seems to say it all. VERDICT - Not guilty.

KILMARNOCK: Had Clyde won Division 1 instead of Inverness, Kilmarnock would have found themselves in the same position as Aberdeen as potential landlords of the Bully Wee. We have no reason to suspect that their stance on groundsharing has changed in the meantime. VERDICT - Not guilty.

LIVINGSTON: Nobody actually seems to know who is in charge of Livingston these days. Back in the day, Dominic Keane would have voted whichever way celtic told him to, so that could be your answer. Even under the aegis of an administrator, it is probably not beyond the realms of possibility that whichever number-cruncher turned up at Hampden felt no option but to abstain from the vote. VERDICT - Guilty (based on previous convictions).

MOTHERWELL: Found themselves in Partick's position last season when Falkirk's application to share with Airdrieonians (sic) at Broomfield for 12 months was kicked out. In the interests of consistency they ought, then, to have been one of the opponents of ICT. In fact, they claim to have voted yes, citing as a difference from 2003 the fact that Inverness had a signed and sealed lease agreement. Again, with it being a secret ballot, whether they ACTUALLY voted yes is a matter of conjecture. VERDICT - Not guilty (but subject to appeal upon the discovery of any new evidence to the contrary).

PARTICK THISTLE: A yes vote from the Maryhill Magyars would have been tantamount to suicide, given that they finished last, so we know that they were one of the five who rejected the proposal. Probably the only ones we can forgive for voting no, but their constant whining (made that much worse by the fact that it always seemed to be prefixed by "We're not whining, but…") was churlish. Yes, we know you spent a lot of money getting Firhole up to standards that ICT do not meet, but let it go. Mistakes of the past cannot commit us to forcing those who follow to make the same mistakes all over again. We spent a million quid on Paul Bernard, so do we deserve sympathy, or a refund, now that nobody is paying out transfer fees like that any more? Put your dummy back in and piss off to the First Division. VERDICT - Guilty, but, with mitigation, to a lesser charge.

RANGERS: In the context of the SPL's big decisions, anything that is good for celtic must also be good for rangers, and hence bad for the remaining ten clubs. So as with celtic above, the huns, realising they had a weak member of the League over a barrel, would seem to have taken the cosy option of setting up a glasgow mafia seeing as they don't really give a toss for either Partick or Inverness. Their unwashed followers will be disappointed to miss the opportunity to come and break some more Pittodrie seats, but since when has the paying customer mattered in the SPL? VERDICT - Guilty.

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Saturday 12th June 2004 A New Beginning… Well, what a close season this is turning out to be! Bloody hell, we've seen more action in the last three weeks than in the whole of the last three seasons; sackings, signings, scandals, votes and more votes (but not much Vogts, thankfully), boardroom bust-ups, inter-club and inter-league wrangles… and hardly a football in sight. Depressing or what! Despite all that, and despite the ongoing and increasingly tedious Thistle v Thistle legal battle, I am now feeling suitably enthusiastic about the season ahead - and it's all down to the dramatic but positive changes that took place at Pittodrie three weeks ago. All of a sudden, at long last and quite out of the red, there seems to be a glimmer of hope for our battered old Aberdeen Football Club. The change of manager and the way in which it was brought about has surprisingly angered many. However, Steve Paterson, only 18 months after his universally heralded appointment, was clearly struggling to cope with the magnitude of the task he'd taken on and it had become clear to many that he was not going to take us any further. Recognising this, and in a rare act of decisiveness, Stewart Milne did something about it. With the arrival of Willie Miller, Paterson was gone and only four days later Jimmy Calderwood was unveiled as manager. Surprising? Yes. Cruel? Maybe. No matter (and forget the who-gives-a-fuck side issue paper-talk of what assurances Paterson was supposedly given by the chairman), it has still been the most efficient and decisive piece of business Aberdeen have done in years. Willie Miller? Well, at last we have someone (back) at the club who will set new standards at the very top and will breathe much-needed life and personality through the corridors of Pittodrie. His job is huge; taking control of the entire footballing operation - which, up until now, hasn't had a boss as such - including training facilities (a massive project in itself), the scouting and youth coaching systems, dealing with agents, transfer(target)s, contracts, funding etc etc. If Miller can take all this on board then it should leave the manager to do what he's good at, ie coaching his squad of football players. Make no mistake, Willie Miller will go through Pittodrie like a dose of salts, and unquestionably his main strength will be his drive and unwavering determination to make the club better. This very quality perhaps got the better of the man 10 years ago and it may have ultimately stifled his ability to succeed in the manager's chair, but in the boardroom it will be a vital asset. Arguably, we've not had that kind of drive since the great Chris Anderson became ill and subsequently died in 1986. The kind of attitude typified by Miller will catch on and, with the equally enthusiastic and forward thinking Jimmy Calderwood and Jimmy Nicholl in charge of the team, then things can only get better. These men have a burning desire to succeed and they possess a healthy intolerance of indiscipline, sloppiness and failure. Of course, many of the old problems will not go away any time soon; we still have a crippling debt to service and have a limited squad to choose from. However, given time (and if there's one thing we Dons supporters have shown loads of in recent years, it's patience) Miller, Calderwood and Nicholl can surely make better use of what we have. Here's hoping that WM can get his winning mentality through to the supporters too. In recent years a certain Tartan Army atmosphere has developed among us and, whilst this makes for a great singsong, it can also fool people into thinking we will accept any old shite on the pitch. We've become too used to failure. Never again do I want to hear us singing the doomed manager's name in praise while we're 7-0 down at an opposition ground. What the fuck was all that about? What happened to Europe? Cup finals? The challenge? They're not delusional pipedreams borne out of 1980's European triumphs, they're realistic and achievable targets, and fucking Hearts are doing it right now. If that shower of 2nd hand huns can do it, then so can we. Of course, we should always stand our ground firmly and back our team to the hilt, but let us never again lower our standards or lose our pride. Back the team, but always let them know that this is Aberdeen, not Motherwell, Livingston or Dunfermline (snigger). It's time to raise the bar. So what now? Well, we wanted change and we got it. Now is the time to draw a line under the past, to embrace the challenge ahead and show the opposition that, at long last, we mean business. Let's make this one count. Jimmy Calderwood and Jimmy Nicholl - welcome to Pittodrie, we're right behind you. Willie Miller - welcome home. COME ON YOU REDS! *Fray Bentos (feeling patriotic)*
9th June 2004 - So Scott Booth thinks Calderwood can only have success at one of the big Dutch clubs? Fox ache! The man hasn't even settled his backside into the chair at Pittodrie and Booth - an alleged Dandies man - is touting him for elsewhere. What is he on? No ulterior motive in stirring it we presume? Actually, this is no untypical of the back stabbing that is going on amongst the fan base these days. If anybody can find any reason whatsoever to be negative about anything whatsoever down Pittodrie way then they'll snatch it like free tenners from a cash machine. How's about looking for some positive stuff to say loons and quines? We've just seen the most radical shakeup in years down there and new possibilities are opening up, let's see what magic the new management plan to weave and get behind them to help make sure it happens. It's bad enough having to read the tripe sputtering from the broken quill of the likes of Stewart McKimmie or the rent-a-quote chairman of the Association without the rest of the Red Army jumping on the bandwagon. Roll on the pre-season so we can start to see what pattern might be about to unfold. And here's hoping the SPL manage, for once, to come up with a fixtures list that looks like it has been thought out instead of thrown together by a drunken bush baby on a spree.
2nd June 2004 - Caley Countered - Caley have been voted out of the SPL before they have even joined. There's a new idea for Big Brother, vote the contestants out before they even set foot in the house. Pre-selection from the general population of culturally vacuous twenty and thirtysomethings of this country of ours who spend more time each week watching bozos prance around a studio than reading. Anyway, enough about the sorry state of our broadcast media. Caley Thistle may be the victims of a geographical plot. Although I have some sympathy with Partick's predicament, they have been relatively prudent over the years on the financial front and have suffered for their lack of quality on the pitch. What's more, they have had their goalposts almost literally shifted from where they were at the beginning of last season. Whether Partick would be in more debt had they spent more time in the SPL in the nineteen nineties is open to question but the situation remains. However, there certainly has not been a team as poor as them in the top flight for a long time. We have not been as bad, even under Skovdahl's first season. Even the St Johnstone team of a few years ago were better to watch than Partick 2003-4. Caley Thistle by comparison have been one of the most exciting teams to have won the first division in some years. Their free flowing, attacking style of play and robustness over the piece have won many admirers in the North. Aside from crazy SPL rules, what has kept them out of the top division is most likely a cabal of clubs from the south that do not fancy an extra trip to Aberdeen next season. Although Hearts have expressed support for Caley's predicament in the past, it is likely that the 5 clubs that voted to keep ICT out are those that don't want to travel outside the central belt unless they have to. Of course Partick voted against the proposal, and I'll wager the other 4 spoil sports were the old farm, Killmarnock and Motherwell. Partick's chairman has tried to ridicule Caley's move by claiming that they could end up playing in front of 3 figure crowds next season. What absolute pants! Even if a lot of Caley fans don't want to or can't travel to Aberdeen every other week, the attendances will not drop that low. The novelty of playing SPL football would carry them through the first third of the season on pretty decent gates. A few hundred Dandies might even turn up when the Dons are away, knowing that some of the money they spend that day will eventually find its way into the Reds' coffers. Furthermore, Setanta and Sky deals in the past have never stopped the old farm travelling to Pitters, or anywhere else for that matter, to watch their teams. At these matches, I would imagine a few hundred Dandies to turn up to rail against the glasgow hordes, if not support ICT against them. Add to this the fact that ICT's 'home' fixtures against the Dons would attract more than 999 fans and I think that the chances of a 3 figure crowd at Pitters next season would be pretty low. Partick's chairman is hardly one to cite low crowds as a potential problem. His side have some of the most fairweather fans in the country. Everyone one speaks to in Glasgow who is legible, litterate and grammatically correct in much of their speech, (Few and far between I know, but it is a large place) claims to support Partick, and of course when they were promoted two years ago there were big crowds, but where have they all gone? They're in front of their tvs watching celtic or are queuing at parkheid for a brief of a saturday morning. Of course ICT sharing Pitters would have its benefits for the Dons. Firstly, it would mean two, possibly three fewer trips to glasgow, secodly, extra gate receipts for bigger crowds against ICT, and finally, extra money from catering and merchandising due to the extra fixtures played at Pittodrie. ICT's chairman says he will appeal the decision but given that he admits that he hasn't a clue about the grounds on which he will appeal, it doesn't look good. *Captain Sweaty.*
2nd June 2004 - Five of the 12 SPL clubs failed to back Inverness Caledonian Thistle's application to join the top flight, despite it meeting every criterion and being described by both Keith Wyness and Chris Robinson as "perfectly competent to be passed". Sadly, the vote was a secret ballot, so we might never know the identity of the cowards who took this unjust decision. We might never know for sure. But we can speculate… ABERDEEN: The Dons were the club which stood to gain most out of ICT's application, other than Caley themselves, in the shape of £650,000 rent. In any case, the Dons have consistently argued for promotion to be automatic where the requirements are met, last season as well as this. The fabled tale of 2000 has been trotted out to show Aberdeen up as hypocritical but listen up: EVERY TEAM IN THE SPL IN 1999/2000 KNEW FROM DAY ONE THAT THEY WOULD NOT BE AUTOMATICALLY RELEGATED IF THEY FINISHED BOTTOM; THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A PLAY-OFF BETWEEN ABERDEEN, DUNFERMLINE AND FALKIRK FOR NOT ONE BUT TWO PLACES IN THE SPL AND GIVEN THAT THE DONS HAD BEATEN FALKIRK WHEN WE WERE COMPLETELY SHIT EARLY IN THE SEASON BUT HAD SINCE GONE ON TO REACH BOTH CUP FINALS WE WOULD HAVE BEEN STRONG FAVOURITES. BROCKVILLE WAS SUCH A TIP THAT NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS WOULD HAVE CERTIFIED IT FIT FOR SPL FOOTBALL, FALKIRK DID NOT APPLY TO SHARE A GROUND ELSEWHERE, AND EVEN NOW, FOUR YEARS ON, FALKIRK STILL DO NOT HAVE A COMPLIANT STADIUM. In short, pish. VERDICT - Not guilty, and not guilty in 2000 either you revisionist philistines. CELTIC: Whether the SPL contains Partick Thistle or Inverness Caledonian Thistle makes virtually no appreciable difference to the tattie-munchers. Neither Thistle would have finished ahead of Ireland's finest in the 2004/05 table, and neither would make a significant contribution to their year-end income statement. There's always the chance that Caley would have horsed them AGAIN, I suppose. But given that stadium problems of their own forced the hordes to drag their tricolors to a temporary home of Hampden Park, owned by Queen's Park FC, in 1994/95 without any murmur of sanctions, it would be an absolute outrage bordering on the criminal for the navvies to blackball the exact same scenario for another club. Since when have they cared, though? Seeing the chance to ensure the everlasting support of Partick Thistle so soon after the massed power of the "Gang of Ten" forced them into a few small concessions, they swooped. It is no wonder everybody else in Scotland hates them. You can rewrite history all you like you paranoid whingers, but this was a disgustingly self-interested piece of chicanery that proves you have no concern for the future health of the game in Scotland. VERDICT - Guilty. DUNDEE: Of all the clubs that ought to have kept their heads down throughout this debate, Dundee's should have been at ostrich-threatening levels. Having been in administration since November, they just managed to avoid the SPL's 10-point penalty by the width of Giovanni di Stefano's social conscience; they still do not have undersoil heating (despite this being a red-line SPL requirement); and they themselves lodged a groundshare proposal with the League while the future of Dens remained uncertain. If truth be told clubs in administration should forfeit the right to vote on issues like this if not their membership of the SPL itself. It would take more cheek than a Tiny Thong Competition for Dundee to feel vindicated in voting Inverness out. VERDICT - Surely not… DUNDEE UNITED: James Grady (Partick) signing for Dundee United less than 24 hours after the infamous vote seems much too much for mere coincidence. United wouldn't appear to have any particular vested interest in Inverness or Partick so the team which could offer the almost-bankrupt Terrors the best bribe was always likely to get the nod of approval from Eddie 'Monty Burns' Thompson. First dibs on the SPL's leading Scottish goalscorer? Job done. VERDICT - Guilty. DUNFERMLINE: Ah, the Pars. Something of an enigma - the SPL's loose cannon, if you will. Unlike Killie, Livingston and the two Edinburgh clubs, no obvious affiliation to one or other member of the old farm; a relative newcomer to the very top table of Scottish football after the best part of 30 years away; yet among the chief agitators during the SPL Civil War of 2002. John Yorkston was keen on fairness for the wee clubs back then. But on the other hand, allowing ICT into the SPL would be to sign a large cheque over to his current nemesis, manager-snatching Aberdeen. Enough to make Dunfermline want to stick the knife in? Hmm… VERDICT - Not proven. HEARTS: Scottish football's most infamous potential groundsharers, though the way Scottish egg-chasing is going there's probably a fair chance they'll give up pretty soon and the Jambos will have Murrayfield all to themselves. With Tynecastle on Stewart Milne's shopping list they stand to gain from groundsharing being permitted in the SPL and have already indicated that they back ICT's appeal. VERDICT - Not guilty. HIBERNIAN: Hibs don't have any ulterior motive one way or the other in this so are one of the few clubs that felt able to vote completely with their consciences. Back in 1998, the Hi-Bees magnanimously accepted relegation despite the winners of Division 1, Dundee, not meeting the newly-formed SPL's stadium criteria, and this week re-affirmed that they reckon promotion and relegation should be decided on the pitch, not in the boardroom. Seems to say it all. VERDICT - Not guilty. KILMARNOCK: Had Clyde won Division 1 instead of Inverness, Kilmarnock would have found themselves in the same position as Aberdeen as potential landlords of the Bully Wee. We have no reason to suspect that their stance on groundsharing has changed in the meantime. VERDICT - Not guilty. LIVINGSTON: Nobody actually seems to know who is in charge of Livingston these days. Back in the day, Dominic Keane would have voted whichever way celtic told him to, so that could be your answer. Even under the aegis of an administrator, it is probably not beyond the realms of possibility that whichever number-cruncher turned up at Hampden felt no option but to abstain from the vote. VERDICT - Guilty (based on previous convictions). MOTHERWELL: Found themselves in Partick's position last season when Falkirk's application to share with Airdrieonians (sic) at Broomfield for 12 months was kicked out. In the interests of consistency they ought, then, to have been one of the opponents of ICT. In fact, they claim to have voted yes, citing as a difference from 2003 the fact that Inverness had a signed and sealed lease agreement. Again, with it being a secret ballot, whether they ACTUALLY voted yes is a matter of conjecture. VERDICT - Not guilty (but subject to appeal upon the discovery of any new evidence to the contrary). PARTICK THISTLE: A yes vote from the Maryhill Magyars would have been tantamount to suicide, given that they finished last, so we know that they were one of the five who rejected the proposal. Probably the only ones we can forgive for voting no, but their constant whining (made that much worse by the fact that it always seemed to be prefixed by "We're not whining, but…") was churlish. Yes, we know you spent a lot of money getting Firhole up to standards that ICT do not meet, but let it go. Mistakes of the past cannot commit us to forcing those who follow to make the same mistakes all over again. We spent a million quid on Paul Bernard, so do we deserve sympathy, or a refund, now that nobody is paying out transfer fees like that any more? Put your dummy back in and piss off to the First Division. VERDICT - Guilty, but, with mitigation, to a lesser charge. RANGERS: In the context of the SPL's big decisions, anything that is good for celtic must also be good for rangers, and hence bad for the remaining ten clubs. So as with celtic above, the huns, realising they had a weak member of the League over a barrel, would seem to have taken the cosy option of setting up a glasgow mafia seeing as they don't really give a toss for either Partick or Inverness. Their unwashed followers will be disappointed to miss the opportunity to come and break some more Pittodrie seats, but since when has the paying customer mattered in the SPL? VERDICT - Guilty.