19th June 2003 - I know we have to play everyone three times and that there will be times when we have
easier fixtures when others are struggling and face away days in glasgow but, for pity's sake must we always begin
the season with a bastard of a schedule. I seem to remember we were away on opening day last season. I always thought
these things went turn about. Home one season, away the next. And why do we always have the old firm virtually
straight off the bat? I'm not saying there is any conspiracy going on here but I'm sure there is some sneaky twat
sitting at the SPL fixtures computer who has loved nothing more in the last six years than to see the Dons struggle
and has
thought briefly to himself, what can I do to add to the Dons hardships? " I know, I'll make them play away
on opening day against the best team outwith the old firm and then send the champions up to Pittodrie the following
week. Perhaps two defeats straight off the bat will set the tone for the season and put a bit of pressure on Paterson
and Shearer. Perhaps even get them off to the Start Skovdahl had in 1999."
I' don't believe things will be that bad but I do think we will struggle next season unless we sign someone who
looks like he knows his way around the opposing penalty box. That said, it is just like the SPL to give us a tricky
opening to the season whilst the huns get a routine home parade against Kilmarnockiebolgeton. The start to any
season is important for the confidence of the team and the fans alike. For as many years as I can remember we have
had either the old firm or whomever has been playing out of their skins most recently. It's about time we started
to get a freakin break when it comes to fixture scheduling. In the cups as well.
Captian Sweaty.
9th June 2003 - Summer holidays are on us - even at TRF Towers, but true to form, we never sleep (well not since Smiffy was manager). The ever alert Torry Loon has tracked down a dubious business activity of editor in chief Pissed-off Merkie who has always tried to tell us that the profits from the fanzine were going to a good cause...
El Loono Torreo Junioro attempts to flog TRF outside Mekie's Spanish money laundering operation
7th June 2003
"Somebody wrote in to a newspaper saying I should never play for Scotland again. I can't tell you what
I felt like doing to the guy when I read that." - Barry Ferguson, June 2003.
That's right Barry. Nothing that a spot of GBH can't fix, eh. Talk about resorting to type. It's a shame Bazza
didn't show such indignation when the rangers medical staff scheduled his operation for June 2. Anybody with half
a backbone would have told them that he was playing for Scotland against Germany in our biggest match for four
years.
One can't help wondering whether "the guy" in question is perhaps Alex McLeish. There seems to be very
little chance of Ferguson ever playing for Scotland again, but only because he always seems to succumb to those
convenient ibrox injuries every time international week comes around. If Ferguson had played every game for his
country since he made his debut in 1998, he would have 41 caps by now. In fact, he has 15. And of the 26 times
he has deemed himself not fit enough to play for Scotland, on no fewer than FIFTEEN occasions has he turned out
for his club in its very next match.
Hemmin, your commitment to the cause will not be judged by chibbing blokes who think you're taking the piss. It
will be judged by when and how you play for Scotland. On which basis, I tend to agree with... "the guy".
If you feel like taking that up further, Baz, my name's Chris, I write for TRF, and I don't wear a leather jacket.
That narrows it right down for you.
MY FAMILY
{With apologies to Robert Lindsay & Zoë Wanamaker}
Anybody who has ever watched this extremely funny BBC sitcom and not laughed must be dead, or Graham Spiers. Unless
you saw the episode when they were on holiday in Spain.... then that wasn't very funny. It got me to thinking how
the families on telly, whether dysfunctional or not, were generally more interesting than in reality. Or are they?
Do we just think they are? What is normal?
Take my family for instance, no, please do. {Sorry, I couldn't resist that} On the outside they look perfectly
normal, doing a wide variety of jobs, some interesting, some not. Pursuing a lots of different interests; heck
one of them even writes for a football fanzine. No, wait a minute, that's me, never mind you get the picture. But,
if you scratch away the veneer, underneath you find that all is not what it seems. You see the skeleton hiding
inside my flat-pack closet.is..... No one, apart from me goes to football. There, that's it out in the open,
This is true, despite that fact that I was taken along to my very first game by one of my uncles. I was 12years
old, a relatively late starter, and the opponents that day were hiv's. We stood in the paddock, which was, for
all who don't know, an enclosure that held around 20/30 people, including the man on whom the character Wee Alikie
was based. The game finished a 1-1 draw, and everybody thought it was shite, everybody but me. I was smitten. Now
this same uncle eventually moved away from Aberdeen and lost interest. Well he did move to Wales, so what do you
expect? When he did move back home he came along to a couple of games with me, but they were both boring 0-0 draws,
thus failing to refuel his interest.
He has an older brother who used to go to 'Todders before he emigrated to Ozzy Land. He came back for holidays
in the 90's and was keen to rekindle his interest in the Dandies. So off we went to Dens to stand in the cold to
watch a no scoring bore. The next time he was home we went down the Merkland Road and watched another 0-0 bore
against the same opponents. Needless to say on further jaunts back to the city of his birth he decided to turn
down invitations to accompany me to the fields of dreams.
My parents were never interested in football, nor were my grandparents, but we all watched the 1966 world cup at
my grandparent’s house. One of my brothers did venture to the odd away game during his mis-spent youth, but since
he now lives in New York, you can understand why he does other things on a Saturday.
When my son and daughter were small I decided to introduce them to the beautiful game, one at a time, starting
with my daughter, who is the oldest. Sad to say she would much rather sit and read a book than follow the game.
Not that there is anything wrong with reading, anything but, but you don't do it in the middle of a match. Unless
it's TRF of course {shameless plug}. So after taking her a few times, I realised that she was never going to be
converted and to this day, despite her best friend being a season ticket holder, [hi Lee] she cannot muster up
any enthusiasm for the game. In this he takes after her mother. Her husband likes footie and will watch it on telly.
He also spends copious amounts of time player Premiership Manager, or whatever it's called, on his computer. But
he suffers from a severe case of 'glory hunting disease', being as he is a follower of the blue half of Glasgow
and the red half of Manchester. So all hope is lost with him, nice man though he is. But despite just living a
stone's through from Pittodrie, albeit a stone thrown by David Robertson, he doesn't go a watch his local team.
When my son was old enough I took him along to several games, this was before they converted the Merkland Stand
into the Family end. So we sat in the South Stand. But he too showed no interest. When he got older and left home
to attend university, he chose to relocate himself to our capital city of Edinburgh. He did go to see the hiv's
play at times, including on one occasion against celtic, on Hendrik Larsson's debut when I accompanied him. But
showing no bias, he went to see the jambos play the arabs. When he visited Aberdeen, if there was a match on, he'd
go with me. He then moved to Portsmouth, where he went to one game,. Now him and his family live in Swindon, and,
sad to say his interest in the game has now reverted to his pre-student days. So I can only presume that was he
going through his rebellious teenage period, but instead of rebelling against his parents and society, he rebelled
against himself.
One of my brother-in-laws is also a hun, an unbigoted hun, but nevertheless a hun. He has blue genes; his father's
family is all from Glasgow. So he suffers from a hereditary affliction. Still he does sell AFC sweepers, and does
go to see The Dons play now and again. When he gets free ticket for selling the sweepers. Still that doesn't count,
as wanting to see Aberdeen do better, as he does, is not the same as paying your money and suffering watching the
team week after week after week.
I have a nephew who used to travel with us to cup finals. For younger readers, cup finals are days out that AFC
used to have for their fans on a regular basis, where they would quite often come back with a trophy for the club's
spare room. Anyway he never went regularly to Pittodrie as he was a work-shy fop. In fact he still is, so even
if regular trips to Hampdung were still the norm, his lack of funds would certainly restrict his chances of sharing
the transport costs of the journey.
I had high hopes of enticing my grandchildren into the ways of the redz, and I caught the eldest one at a young
age, when, at the tender age of 1 and a bit, I took him along to a midweek game between Scotland under 16's and
Israel. He, or should I say,''I''? only lasted until half time, as he was getting restless. Still it was a start,
and over the next few seasons I took him along to one game a season to get him acclimatized. Then last season,
when he was 7 I bought him a season ticket. Sad to say though his heart was never 100% in it, but he did try, and
I still hold on to his season ticket in fond memories of the games that we did go to together. Bugger that, Leon
Mike was his favourite player, and if he would rather play footie than go and see the Dandies, that's his choice.
You never know he might end up wearing the red and cheering up his granddad by regularly taking the piss out of
the infirm. Well I can dream.
Well that's my family and their severe lack of interest in The Boys In Red. Maybe it's me that's strange and they
are normal, but I doubt it. Ah well where's that red and white straight jacket. C'mon ye reds!
The Man In Red
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Aye, we know this is a bit late, but Merkie got a bit distracted whilst drawing Zara!
4th June 2003 - barry ferguson: from soapdodger to draftdodger.
With only a few days to go before Scotland take on Germany at Hampden, many Tartan Army fans are rightly worried about a tanking of panzer proportions. The mighty oberstrumbahnfuhrers of Deutschland dispatched Canada with relative ease without big names such as Jeremies, Kahn, or Ballack, all of whom are set to play at the weekend. We should be worried, very worried.
The lack of a deep pool of talented and experienced Scottish players is of course in large part perpetuated
by the policies of the in firm. For many a year, the two lumbering elephants of the Scottish game have poached
the best and brightest from their SPL rivals. Fair enough, we live in the real world, young scots want big money,
smaller clubs need revenue and the old farm at least keep money in the Scottish game instead of buying more mediocrity
from foreign climes. However, this practice does more than rob the rest of the SPL of their best players. ( I say
rob, because the old farm invariably offer and pay less than the true value of many of these players because they
know that the clubs need the money more than they need to sign the player in question.) It robs Scotland of many
players who could be turning out for the national team. Paul Ritchie might have been playing regularly for the
national team had he stayed at Hearts and played regular football. Same again Kenny Miller formerly of Hibs who
is only now getting his chance again.
Even when Scottish players make it into old farm elevens on a regular basis, Scotland is denied their talents
which have been
developed by playing and training with decent European players regularly. Neil McCan't and barry ferguson should
have many more caps than they do. The greatest offender of these two is ferguson. The wee ned has played pretty
much every game for the huns this season, yet whenever there is a mid week international, friendly or competitive,
the poor wee soul has got some career threatening bruised ribs or a weaker pelvis than that wifie off the stena
stairlift adverts RIP. Yet come the following weekend and sandy clark
is praising the brave blue battalion boy for toughing it out and putting in a world class performance.... at East
End Park, Rugby Park, take your pick. ferguson has earned himself a real reputation as not only a soap dodger but
a draft dodger to put Scotland call ups in historical military/political parliance. I can understand asking not
to be played in a friendly against a Baltic or Carribean country on tour if one has an important European tie to
play soon. However this is not an excuse that any rangers player could wheel out this season. Nor is ferguson's
presence vital for the huns to win any league cup or Scottish cup tie short of the Semis.
Fair enough, the huns have played more domestic games than anyone this season but for a team, the collective value of which is greater than the rest of Scottish football combined (celtic apart) this shouldn't be a problem. ferguson is rarely tested or battered in Scotland. Opposing central midfielders afford him far too much respect. Ferguson gets the time to play the passes he does because he is surrounded by better players who through their own ability take the pressure off him and the rangers defence. Guys like Gavin Rae, Darren Young, Phil Stamp, Scott Severin, Ian Murray, and David Rowson ( Yes him too) should be allocated to hound ferguson throughout their encounters with him and the rest of his hygenically challenged colleagues. However, I don't entirely blame them for laying off him, especially at iprix. Putting in a meaty challenge upon the blue nose media darling in govan is tantamount to inciting a riot in most referees eyes and liable to earn you a booking straight off the bat. Even if the fans didn't look like invading the pitch, extra stewards would be needed to hold back gordon smith, sandy clark, keech jackson and the like. At grounds such as Rugby Park, Tannadice, Dens, East End, where the travelling orange hordes make up the majority of the attendance, similar incitement charges may also apply. However, it could be argued that the possibility that bf might have to do a little more work on the park in Scotland games, given that he won't be surrounded by players that will be wrapped in the referee's protection, and the fact that he might be made to look less than the best player on the park could lead to bf and rangers deciding that they don't want him to play.
ferguson could have had his operation at any point in the season and the huns would probably still have clinched
the treble. If it can wait this long, it could surely wait another week or so. ferguson is a good player, i won't
attempt to deny that and the fact that Scotland could use his talents in the midfield. However, it is immensely
harsh on the likes of Rae, Severin and even Jess, all of whom are capable ball players, that ferguson should be
allowed to waltz in and out of the Scotland set up when it suits him and his club. The reason Alan Hansen will
not go down as a Scotland great is because he was a fair weather player in squads which had better players than
him in his
position(Mller and McLeish) capable standins (Gough and Malpas), and a manager that realised that he was dispensible
(Fergie). barry ferguson has little competition for his central midfield berth at the moment given the way Scotland
line up, and he has a manager that will appease his club. Yet in the games ferguson has played, he has done little
to endear himself to the Scotland support. The 2-2 draw in the Faroes did more harm than people might think.
Whether ferguson is afraid of the consequences to his reputation of playing with players who for the most part
are not as good as his iprix colleagues, or whether the hun policy makers are just being their usual selfish selves,
( I can't imagine big Eck being the one denying ferguson the opportunity to play against Germany) is unclear. Perhaps
it's a bit of both. But let's give this exhausted, mortally injured, vital operation bullshit a rest. Vogts must
have the players examined by his own medical staff and impose the ruling that forbids them for playing the next
match for their club after the international. If he doesn't his existance is even more pointless than we first
thought. He might as well let the SFA policymakers pick the team. The old saying, "Dance with the one who
brought you" should but probably won't apply if Scotland reach the 2004 finals, unlikely as that is. If ferguson
fails to play in the key games and does little to help us win the others then why should he be first in the queue
to go to Portugal if we make it there?
As an after thought, why, even when it has been statistically proven by OPTA that he was the most effective defender
in the league, has Phil McGuire not been given his chance for Scotland? Not even mentioned in the Squad? F-ing
disgrace.
As a second after thought, is anyone else worried that the departure of lorenzo's (oil) amoruso could signal the
start of a hun/hun media attempt to lure Russel Anderson to the dark side? Someone mentioned it to Keith Wyness
on that cyber-chat thing on Sunday and it grabbed my attention.
As yet another afterthought, further evidence of cost cutting hitting the playing staff. I saw Ryan Esson the other
day, not in a Silver MG
convertable but in a run of the mill Audi hatchback. Next he'll be driving a rebadged rover metro with a walnut
gear knob. (Appologies to Alan Partridge).
Captain Sweaty.
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