29th May - Detective Sweaty: Divot Squad
I myself, a" poor student" have been a victim of cost cutting/revenue boosting measures implemented
at Pittodrie this season. After some sterling work over two and a half seasons as a member of the Rt. Hon company
of the Divot Squad, I was made redundant. It wasn't so much that I grudged having to pay a tenner for my student
ticket to the South Stand but the fact that I would probably never again tread the hallowed turf of Pittodrie barring
a pitch invasion to celebrate a future humping of one of the old farm.
The memories of my Saturday afternoons spent 'forking my pitch up' will live with me for some time. As will I'm
sure, elements of one of the free pies I was rewarded with one particular day. It was the start of the second half
against Hibs and amazingly we were 3-0 up. I went in to the wee room by the tunnel to get my cup of tea (Stewed,
no milk) and swiped the last of the pies in favour of the fancy finger sandwiches filled with the devil's fluid
(mayonnaise). Sadly by the time I had left the hut to return to my seat I had missed Stavvers' second goal (Too
much time spent studying the nudey calendar by the door leading to the tunnel.). I resumed my seat after applauding
Stavrum's strike from 6 inches, and bit into my pie. In so doing I nearly cracked a tooth on the gristle/bone/joint
which occupied the cavity of the said baked good. It wasn't enough to take the shine off a fine Don's performance,
and a good display by the divot squad too might I add, however, I went home hungry.
When the previous groundsman left (Blonde hair, canna mind his name) Paul, the other one, got promoted and his
pals began to turn up to do the job that myself and some of my fellow student pals had been doing. Then one day
the doorman at gate 8 of the Dick End informed me that the divot squad was not needed and I surmised that our time
had passed. Fair enough, I saved on a lot of gate money, had lots of free tea and programmes(Not the spirit in
these times of financial hardship for the club I know, but I was a student).
I did my bit though. I like to think that I prevented a few sprained ankles. Many's a time I had to stay behind
after the match, flattening the pitch after a thrashing by celtic, whilst the rain lashed down and the
fluorescent orange stewards coats which were only issued when it was warm enough not to need one, were not to be
seen. Forking the pitch at half-time was particularly tricky. One had to be careful that you hadn't wandered up
to the half-way line by the time Reds and Co were about to begin their routine. I almost ended up as Justin Timberlake
to their Britney Spears on one or two occasions. If the wannabe chorus line didn't trip you up you had to be prepared
to look threatening enough with your mini pitchfork to ward
off a tired attempt by Angus the Bull to come over and make fun of you in front of the Paddock.
If these potential sources of embarrassment were not enough, there was many a time when one of us would be required
to play a simple pass along the deck to one of the subs warming up. A simple task when one looks back on it but
I was usually wearing walking boots and jeans at the time and the sudden realisation that I was kicking a ball
at Pitters to one of the team was quite intimidating at first. I was sure each time I would trip over my fork,
stand on the ball and end up on my arse. Needless to say I'm sure Angus was hoping that would happen too. And then
they add kiddies five a side finals into the intermission. This reduces our work load but turns Pittodrie into
a minefield of potential embarrassment for the divot squad and its brave student(Freeloading) soldiers.
The best part of it all however had to be the attempts to wander into the shots of the BBC cameras doing post match
interviews with the Pitch as the background. Many's a time a shout from a reporter would echo across from the tunnel
to the Merkland end asking us politely to wander out of shot, and many's a time we would pretend we couldn't hear
what they were saying. That was the best time for me. Not for my mates though. On the last day of the season that
we finished bottom we were playing Killie at home. I was invited to my auntie's for Sunday dinner that day(Roast
breast of Duck Potatoes, carrots cranberry sauce) so I gave the game a miss in the knowledge that I'd see the Dons
again at the Cup Final a week later. Not only did I miss a 5-1 route of the old firm retirement fund but my mates
who had turned up to do their duty got a kickabout with the nets still up at the Merkland end for half an hour.
Bastards.
Still I was there on the pitch when that guy got the £1000 in the penalty competition. Not quite the same
but I never thought I'd see the day that it happened. I was so sure that the hole in the tarpaulin was too small
for a size 5 ball. Another good thing about being a member of the divot squad was that we got
to leave through the tunnel and out through the players entrance. We saw and heard some strange things there. I
always applauded the crowd with the above the head clap which had long since left before I departed the pitch.
Sad yes but it had to be done. I remember walking through the corridor after a utd match and hearing Eh Alec Smith
remonstrating with someone and complaining about Jim Lauchlan's inability to speak English. Not necessarily a strange
comment to hear, but perhaps a hypocritical one from a Scottish Football Manager.
That's about the extent of my memories of my time with the Divot Squad. One day I'll have a police style badge
made up with the words Detective Sweaty: Divot Squad engraved on it. If any more memories of my pitch side antics
come back to me I'll update everyone. But My head and fingers are sore now.
Captain Sweaty.
Sending the players and the fans away for the summer with the scent of victories in mind can only be good for the future. We have remembered that we can turn over many opponents and that should be a habit that will carry on next season. Another area for optimism is the blooding of a bunch of out Under 18s in the past couple of matches. Morrison, Foster, Diamond and Souter are not the only upcoming players on the books and they will all help give depth to next season's squad. yes, we need some more experienced reinforcements, but Paterson has that in hand and he has already shown that he can root out very useful players who have been overlooked by others. Tosh and Sheerin made instant impacts for us and Hinds has improved steadily since joining us - a good pre-season will set him up nicely for more progress. Michael Hart too has begun to show what he can do, with his last couple of games in the back three being outstanding. There are options for the manager in how he will field his team from now on and hopefully whoever else is recruited will add other dimensions too.
Over and above the victory at Tannalice yesterday, the best part of the event was the form of our fans. The traveling support for what was really a meaningless fixture was tremendous and in party spirit too. The whole repertoire of songs got wheeled out and we generated an atmosphere good enough to grace much more significant games. Maybe that mood was generated in part by the usual bad treatment from our hosts who, wealthy as they claim to be, could not afford enough gatekeepers to allow the opening of sufficient turnstiles. The queues outside were a disgrace, especially since it had started to rain. Once inside, people quickly found out that the catering was inadequate too and of course the ground itself is designed to accommodate only very small people so it is incredibly uncomfortable to sit in. The state of the pitch would have seen the Pittodrie ground staff lynching themselves and the potholes would have graced the Skatie shore at Stonehaven. Dundee United, along with most other clubs in the SPL, should appreciate our visits. We bring a huge support to them twice a season and invest many thousands of pounds in their coffers - if it wasn't for us traveling so enthusiastically they probably wouldn't have been able to stretch to signing so many players this coming closed season.
It is a constant pain to TRF that so many of us go to away games but so few of the opposition come to Todders. The imbalance obviously costs the Dons a lot of dough that would be mighty useful just now. Conservatively, it probably costs the average member of the Red Army about £30 - £40 to go to an away game, so even if there were only 1,000 traveling to 18 aways, at thirty quid a throw, that would be a total of more that £500,000. Imagine if we stopped traveling for a season and put all those £30's in the hands of the present manager. He could pull together a fantastic squad that would really start to take us places. Of course, it isn't likely to happen, but it's a hell of a thought. There again, the Supporters Trust were supposed to be launching Reds Direct to pull together money to help the manager, but after a flurry of publicity, they have gone very quiet and seem to be dragging their feet on this. The time for giving the boss any money is now, a couple of months or more and it'll be too late for another season - why aren't they getting on with it?
Stevie Paterson can definitely do the biz for the Dons, even with the restrictions put on him. Don't forget that when Fergie first came to Aberdeen he was told that he'd have to make a team from the professionals who were already on the books. His only signing in his first season was McGhee, yet by the following season, in the face of adversity, we were winning the league championship. The circumstances are different now, but building from within must be part of the story and history suggests that the best sides are built though a mixture of home growth, shrewd signings and sheer bloody mindedness. Real Madrid couldn't do it but Aberdeen could. Now its time to start learning from the past and step into the future making new history and creating new heroes.
22nd May - " It was nice to see Gordon Strachan back at Pittodrie on Tuesday evening – in the years since his starring role in Aberdeen's ascent to the top of the European game he has been an all too infrequent visitor to the North-East. The wit and enthusiasm Strachan now shows as a manager are qualities every bit as endearing as the panache he used to display (and did again at half-time the other night) on the field.
It was also good to see so many of the players who took Southampton to the FA Cup final and a place in Europe. Eleven of the Saints to take the field in Cardiff were in action on Tuesday, among them Marsden, Oakley, Magnus and Anders Svensson, and Scotland cap Paul Telfer. Notwithstanding the fact that they are to join up with the England squad this week and were officially supposed to be resting, both Wayne Bridge and James Beattie gave the Pittodrie crowd 45 minutes too. It would be a shame if the FA, as threatened, elect to fine the Saints for fielding the pair – though the primacy of international football must be retained, it would have been barmy to ask them to fly to Durban for just two days only to sit on the bench. And seeing as the rest of Eriksson’s squad are playing tonight you could argue that it was in Beattie and Bridge’s best interests to have a wee run-out. Though hot-shot Beattie netted yet another goal, the international left-back found a rampant Kevin McNaughton a Bridge too far. Maybe Sven should throw him in against Slovakia.
Kevin was one of several Dons to look lively. Leigh Hinds, he of the impossibly low centre of gravity, seems
to get better each passing week, and followed his sensational display at Motherwell with an impressive showing
against Premiership opponents. Michael Hart is much more comfortable in the centre of defence than on the right
wing, while the Southampton fans who had travelled such a long way to watch the game will have left wondering how
the skilful Sheerin managed to spend five years at The Dell without ever kicking a ball for the first team.
Those who turned up at Pittodrie also got the opportunity to run the rule over two more of Steve Paterson’s signing
targets. I would suggest that we are unlikely to see the Frank Spencer lookalike at left-back making a return to
Pittodrie any time soon, but Andy Parkinson looked pretty handy, and Dons fans should hope that the rumoured interest
from clubs in England proves to be no more than a bargaining tool for he would make a good addition to the squad.
All in all a good night out then. After an unpromising start, AFC’s centenary events are certainly taking a turn
for the better – the Southampton game (far better planned and promoted than the Hamburg one) coming hot on the
heels of the terrific celebration of the 1983 Cup Winners Cup Final at the AECC. A full re-run of the last European
final to be won by a Scottish club (and don’t you forget it), interspersed with the odd gem of an observation from
the heroes of the hour. Willie Miller has always known which buttons to press to get a crowd eating out of his
hand, but the ‘man of the match’ – as 20 years ago – was Peter Weir, who, much to the crowd’s amusement, used the
occasion to vent his considerable anger on the manager who sold him, Ian ‘Remember Him?’ Porterfield. Ten of the
1983 squad were in attendance that evening, with Strachan one of the few who could not make it. He repaid that
debt on Tuesday by bringing one of the Premiership’s most stylish and recognisable sides to the Pittodrie party.
So why were less than 9,000 people bothered to turn up? Despite the superior quality of opposition, the much-reduced
entry prices and all the other ingredients aforementioned, the game still attracted fewer punters through the turnstiles
than the meaningless SPL clash with Partick Thistle ten days previous. It cannot be for the spectacle – we did
not know at five to three that afternoon that Derek Whyte and Kenny Arthur would serve up one of the most entertaining
moments of the season. It cannot be for the potential reward, for we have known for ages that Aberdeen’s season
would end in mediocre fashion and indeed since the split anything other than an eighth-place finish has been highly
improbable. In any case the awful gates for recent cup-ties at Pittodrie, when the threat of winning something
is far more clear and present, give the lie to that theory. If they cannot summon up the enthusiasm to pay £12
to watch their team play the FA Cup finalists it can only be out of habit that the guts of 10,000 folk keep turning
up at Todders for routine league meetings.
I’d hazard a guess, though, that those who chose to stay in and watch The Bill will be among the first to moan
this summer when Paterson has to make do with bargain basement squad men due to lack of funds. Sorry, but for me
this is no better than moaning about what a mess this or that lot of politicians are making of our country/city
then not getting out of bed to vote. The Club has actually made something of a concession to this mob by freezing
season ticket prices at a time when its profit and loss account suggests this is a reckless course of action. Whether
this has an appreciable effect on sales remains to be seen, but I have never been a believer in the elasticity
of demand for football tickets. I have no problem with ‘recreational’ fans, the sort who go to games now and then
just to be entertained and expect nothing more than a good game. What I do have a problem with is people who volubly
claim to love their club and decry its mountainous debt but would rather spend twelve quid in the pub watching
the UEFA Cup final than at the Pittodrie turnstiles for a "glamour game" with Strachan’s men. Either
you think AFC is important enough to spend your leisure money on, or you stop whining about the state it is in.
You can’t have it both ways. Yes, you’ve spent a packet following AFC down the years – don’t stop to count, it’ll
scare you. So have we all. TRF reckons it could have put itself up a luxury 100-floor office block in Kingswells
if it had saved all these years. But that money’s gone, and what will happen in the future of the Club will have
little to do with what it went on. The Club is trying to return to self-sufficiency and needs our continuing patience.
Be part of the solution.
AFC is in a financial hole, there’s no denying it, but judging by Tuesday’s attendance there’s a worrying shortage
of people who actually care enough to help pull it out.
It’s one of those moments where we should ask not what our club can do for us, but what we can do for our club.
"
Let's hope that we take a sizable support today and outsing the tims to give the lads every encouragement. They deserve good backing for under Neil Cooper they have turned their season round from mediocrity to an exciting finish, by sailing through the earlier rounds of the cup and finishing much higher up their league than it looked as though they would. A cup final is a great way to finish their season and it'd be great for AFC as a whole. They can do it, so COME ON YOU REDZZZ and as for you Dons gans - get down tae Perth - pronto!
To celebrate
ten years in the fanzine firmament, TRF produced a limited edition of this badge. Most of them went to subscribers
to the fanzine, but there are a small number still available. If you would like to obtain one, please send £3.20
to: The Red Final, P.O.Box 368 Aboyne, Aberdeenshire AB34 5LZ and we'll sling one off to you post haste (and post
paid).