Attila the Hun Goes West

Attila the Hun Goes West

The hordes of Asia loved to play games. They would play pretty much any game that anybody could dream up, but best of all they loved bloodthirsty, violent games. Games, in other words, that kept them well clear of the womenfolk and yak tending chores. The most popular game of them all was 'kick-orb', a sport that went through many and rapid changes as it developed into a finished article that survives in several Mongolian variants to this day.
Strangely, the writings of Zermit Rustum, the rarest of barbarians - a scholar and principal source of information on this fascinating subject, reveal that even the horses enjoyed the early game. In those far off days before the war horses were banned, it seems that they had a freedom that they were never allowed in normal life, nor even in battle. Of course, this was when the game was still in a formative state and players hit the ball, or orb, around with sticks from horseback. The player-riders became so engrossed in their efforts to bang the ball away from their opponents and through the leg bones of dead peasants (an approximation for goalposts) that the horses were often able to throw them ignominiously in the dirt.
To the Huns, master horsemen of immense pride and skill, the loss of face at this humiliating event led them to commit suicide on the blades of their favourite daggers of which there were usually six. After all, how could they be taken seriously as warriors of mystery and terror by other tribes if they had a reputation for falling off their mounts? Attila, disturbed at the steady losses from his fighting strength, eventually decreed that the horses could not take part in the game. Even then, his men were far from safe from serious injury. Much though they all relished the roughhouse play that developed with the use of sticks, far too many warriors ended up with broken legs, arms, or split skulls. They were, therefore, not much use in laying waste to the lands west of the Steppes. Attila ordered that the use of sticks be ended and thus narrowly avoided being credited with the invention of Shinty.
It has been estimated that the destruction of empires in India and Europe was delayed by several years because of the distractions of sport. It has also been surmised that the Huns were in no great hurry. They knew that they had been granted the right to conquer everything in sight by their all powerful deity. Attila, the archetypal sacker of cities and slayer of babies, knew it most of all. Besides, wining was wining, whatever the contest.
According to Zermit Rustum, once the game reached this stage of development, it did not take very long for it to be refined into a kind of regular tournament. The only remaining record of the tournament favoured by Attila is extremely detailed and we are fortunate that some of it has lately been translated into English. The archaic script used by Zermit has proved to be extremely difficult to decipher, containing many graphical errors. Work on translating the many scrolls continues but with few academics capable of doing such complex work it is expected to be many years before the whole can be brought before the public.
Ammianus Marcellinus, a Roman historian, made vague mention of the Hun fanaticism for their strange game. However, he does lend credence to the claims made by Rustum that vast numbers of Hun warriors took part and that their behaviour in ensuring victory did nothing to dilute their reputation as the most barbaric and ruthless of all the invading tribes. An interesting footnote in Marcellinus' history suggests that the game of 'kick-orb' caused the Huns to become a more sedentary force. They lost their astounding abilities as horsemen to such an extent that by the time they fought the battle of Chalons in 451AD, against the Western Roman empire's general Aetius, most of them fought on foot.
The structure of the tournament was thus: The entire Hunnish horde of central Asia was split into hundreds of teams of fifty or sixty (Zermit Rustum is unclear on this). The teams were then allocated what we would call divisions in which to play. When called to battle, the teams went into combat together, alongside the others of their division. Contemporary historians are now speculating that this phase of the Mongol game gave us much of the structure of modern day armies, but that is a topic for some other study. Suffice to say that there is a great deal of academic dispute over the impact of Attila's contests and results on history.
We do not know how many divisions were involved, but it seems likely that there would have been dozens, each containing perhaps twenty or even thirty teams. In a visionary moment, Attila also decided that the games would be much better if there were some individuals who would ensure that the rudimentary rules were observed. The means of ensuring a source of such officials was to create an order of zealot monks who believed in the infallibility of their calling. History has not recorded what the Mongols called these specialists.
Rules were scant. The main restriction on play seems to have been that players were not to kill or maim each other. The causing of severe injury was actually rewarded in some contests, depending on the mood of the zealots at the time. On the other hand, if players argued with decisions made by the officials, they were more than likely to be sent from the field of play and into the wilderness. There they could be expected to fast for forty days and forty nights (well, there wasn't much game available to a Hun without his horse - it could all move too fast for him). Evidently all of the rules were dreamed up (according to Zermit) by Attila. Interpretation, however, was taken by the braver officials to be within their remit, although possibly not when Attila's team took the field.
Competition commenced. Several of Zermit's scrolls seem to be devoted to lurid accounts of matches between the toughest teams amongst the hordes. There is no indication of the size of the playing field, but there is a fragmentary description of the ball used in both early and more sophisticated versions of 'kick-orb'. The original ball was quite large, and was a simple, yet practical bundle of animal skins. This means that the ball was probably far from round and must have been difficult to control in open play. The size and irregular shape of the 'orb', on the other hand, would have made the object easy for players to spot on the dust dry plains where most of the turbulent action took place.
The story of the later ball is interesting and will be dealt with further on in this narrative. Readers of sensitive disposition may wish to avoid some of the following description. The author makes no apology for including the gory details of Mongol 'kick-orb' as he has a strong stomach and absolutely no sensitivity whatsoever.
Each tournament was planned to last a year, commencing at the summer solstice. Rewards for teams that won most of their games and therefore their section of the tournament, were generous. The punishments for performing badly were harsh. The sport was not recorded as being one for spectators, although there are hints that for some particularly fierce contests other games halted prematurely so that other teams could watch. Evidence suggests that teams liked to create distinctive uniforms of many and varied colour for themselves. This even extended to hair styles and archaeologists believe that the preserved skulls of Hunnish warriors found in Northern India were of a single team. Each head still has elaborately dressed hair gathered in a Swabian knot, an unusual topknot worn to the right side of the scalp.
It has become clear that Zermit himself was not very interested in 'kick-orb' in the formative years. His records of individual games and outcomes are sparse and it is probable that he had to report on them under orders from a higher power - probably on pain of death, or worse.
Several years of competition are glossed over very briefly in the scrolls. By the time useful details do begin to emerge, the teams have captains and managers and had fixed numbers of players. Attila the Hun had a personal team comprising his favourite bodyguards and in today's parlance he would be described as a player manager. Betting was rife amongst the teams and in particular the highest ranking nobles. Huge fortunes were invested in trying to ensure victory in each annual tournament. It is also plain that teams would try to lure the more skilful players from other teams, usually with offers of fine horses and prime yaks, even, in desperate times, women. Indeed, Attila himself became so ambitious to run a successful team that he would go to any lengths to ensure victory.
The following extract from Zermit Kahn's final scroll gives us a shocking insight into the nature of the Hun. 'Finding it hard to manage his team to ultimate victory in the barbarian all comers' league, Attila cut off the heads of the nearest match officials. Lustily, he roared "Bugger this for a game of soldiers, let's form a secret society with funny clothes and regalia and make sure that all the referees and linesmen are members! THEN we'll be able to play this bloody game properly - THEN we'll win the league. Wrap that head in a yak's stomach and use it for the ball, there's a good slave."'
Luckily for modern day sport and European history, Attila died in 452 and his vast and dangerous tribe fell apart quickly thereafter were "scattered to the winds" in the words of the historian J. B. Bury. Equally lucky, such sentiments could never prevail today - could they?

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	Attila the Hun Goes West The hordes of Asia loved to play games. They would play pretty much any game that anybody could dream up, but best of all they loved bloodthirsty, violent games. Games, in other words, that kept them well clear of the womenfolk and yak tending chores. The most popular game of them all was 'kick-orb', a sport that went through many and rapid changes as it developed into a finished article that survives in several Mongolian variants to this day. Strangely, the writings of Zermit Rustum, the rarest of barbarians - a scholar and principal source of information on this fascinating subject, reveal that even the horses enjoyed the early game. In those far off days before the war horses were banned, it seems that they had a freedom that they were never allowed in normal life, nor even in battle. Of course, this was when the game was still in a formative state and players hit the ball, or orb, around with sticks from horseback. The player-riders became so engrossed in their efforts to bang the ball away from their opponents and through the leg bones of dead peasants (an approximation for goalposts) that the horses were often able to throw them ignominiously in the dirt. To the Huns, master horsemen of immense pride and skill, the loss of face at this humiliating event led them to commit suicide on the blades of their favourite daggers of which there were usually six. After all, how could they be taken seriously as warriors of mystery and terror by other tribes if they had a reputation for falling off their mounts? Attila, disturbed at the steady losses from his fighting strength, eventually decreed that the horses could not take part in the game. Even then, his men were far from safe from serious injury. Much though they all relished the roughhouse play that developed with the use of sticks, far too many warriors ended up with broken legs, arms, or split skulls. They were, therefore, not much use in laying waste to the lands west of the Steppes. Attila ordered that the use of sticks be ended and thus narrowly avoided being credited with the invention of Shinty. It has been estimated that the destruction of empires in India and Europe was delayed by several years because of the distractions of sport. It has also been surmised that the Huns were in no great hurry. They knew that they had been granted the right to conquer everything in sight by their all powerful deity. Attila, the archetypal sacker of cities and slayer of babies, knew it most of all. Besides, wining was wining, whatever the contest. According to Zermit Rustum, once the game reached this stage of development, it did not take very long for it to be refined into a kind of regular tournament. The only remaining record of the tournament favoured by Attila is extremely detailed and we are fortunate that some of it has lately been translated into English. The archaic script used by Zermit has proved to be extremely difficult to decipher, containing many graphical errors. Work on translating the many scrolls continues but with few academics capable of doing such complex work it is expected to be many years before the whole can be brought before the public. Ammianus Marcellinus, a Roman historian, made vague mention of the Hun fanaticism for their strange game. However, he does lend credence to the claims made by Rustum that vast numbers of Hun warriors took part and that their behaviour in ensuring victory did nothing to dilute their reputation as the most barbaric and ruthless of all the invading tribes. An interesting footnote in Marcellinus' history suggests that the game of 'kick-orb' caused the Huns to become a more sedentary force. They lost their astounding abilities as horsemen to such an extent that by the time they fought the battle of Chalons in 451AD, against the Western Roman empire's general Aetius, most of them fought on foot. The structure of the tournament was thus: The entire Hunnish horde of central Asia was split into hundreds of teams of fifty or sixty (Zermit Rustum is unclear on this). The teams were then allocated what we would call divisions in which to play. When called to battle, the teams went into combat together, alongside the others of their division. Contemporary historians are now speculating that this phase of the Mongol game gave us much of the structure of modern day armies, but that is a topic for some other study. Suffice to say that there is a great deal of academic dispute over the impact of Attila's contests and results on history. We do not know how many divisions were involved, but it seems likely that there would have been dozens, each containing perhaps twenty or even thirty teams. In a visionary moment, Attila also decided that the games would be much better if there were some individuals who would ensure that the rudimentary rules were observed. The means of ensuring a source of such officials was to create an order of zealot monks who believed in the infallibility of their calling. History has not recorded what the Mongols called these specialists. Rules were scant. The main restriction on play seems to have been that players were not to kill or maim each other. The causing of severe injury was actually rewarded in some contests, depending on the mood of the zealots at the time. On the other hand, if players argued with decisions made by the officials, they were more than likely to be sent from the field of play and into the wilderness. There they could be expected to fast for forty days and forty nights (well, there wasn't much game available to a Hun without his horse - it could all move too fast for him). Evidently all of the rules were dreamed up (according to Zermit) by Attila. Interpretation, however, was taken by the braver officials to be within their remit, although possibly not when Attila's team took the field. Competition commenced. Several of Zermit's scrolls seem to be devoted to lurid accounts of matches between the toughest teams amongst the hordes. There is no indication of the size of the playing field, but there is a fragmentary description of the ball used in both early and more sophisticated versions of 'kick-orb'. The original ball was quite large, and was a simple, yet practical bundle of animal skins. This means that the ball was probably far from round and must have been difficult to control in open play. The size and irregular shape of the 'orb', on the other hand, would have made the object easy for players to spot on the dust dry plains where most of the turbulent action took place. The story of the later ball is interesting and will be dealt with further on in this narrative. Readers of sensitive disposition may wish to avoid some of the following description. The author makes no apology for including the gory details of Mongol 'kick-orb' as he has a strong stomach and absolutely no sensitivity whatsoever. Each tournament was planned to last a year, commencing at the summer solstice. Rewards for teams that won most of their games and therefore their section of the tournament, were generous. The punishments for performing badly were harsh. The sport was not recorded as being one for spectators, although there are hints that for some particularly fierce contests other games halted prematurely so that other teams could watch. Evidence suggests that teams liked to create distinctive uniforms of many and varied colour for themselves. This even extended to hair styles and archaeologists believe that the preserved skulls of Hunnish warriors found in Northern India were of a single team. Each head still has elaborately dressed hair gathered in a Swabian knot, an unusual topknot worn to the right side of the scalp. It has become clear that Zermit himself was not very interested in 'kick-orb' in the formative years. His records of individual games and outcomes are sparse and it is probable that he had to report on them under orders from a higher power - probably on pain of death, or worse. Several years of competition are glossed over very briefly in the scrolls. By the time useful details do begin to emerge, the teams have captains and managers and had fixed numbers of players. Attila the Hun had a personal team comprising his favourite bodyguards and in today's parlance he would be described as a player manager. Betting was rife amongst the teams and in particular the highest ranking nobles. Huge fortunes were invested in trying to ensure victory in each annual tournament. It is also plain that teams would try to lure the more skilful players from other teams, usually with offers of fine horses and prime yaks, even, in desperate times, women. Indeed, Attila himself became so ambitious to run a successful team that he would go to any lengths to ensure victory. The following extract from Zermit Kahn's final scroll gives us a shocking insight into the nature of the Hun. 'Finding it hard to manage his team to ultimate victory in the barbarian all comers' league, Attila cut off the heads of the nearest match officials. Lustily, he roared "Bugger this for a game of soldiers, let's form a secret society with funny clothes and regalia and make sure that all the referees and linesmen are members! THEN we'll be able to play this bloody game properly - THEN we'll win the league. Wrap that head in a yak's stomach and use it for the ball, there's a good slave."' Luckily for modern day sport and European history, Attila died in 452 and his vast and dangerous tribe fell apart quickly thereafter were "scattered to the winds" in the words of the historian J. B. Bury. Equally lucky, such sentiments could never prevail today - could they?
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